If I had a penny for every time I heard …

I have two boys under two. No big deal in my opinion, some people have four kids. Or triplets. So I had them close – whatever. It amazes me the things people say to me when I’m out and about with the boys in the double-buggy.

You’ve got your work cut out for you OR Wow, you’ve got your hands full OR woah you’re busy aren’t you!

No shit, are you offering to help? Move out of the way, this isle isn’t wide enough for the four of us.

Haven’t you figured out how it happens yet?

Yes, my husband has sex with me while I’m asleep you idiot. Seriously not a funny joke. Not even close.

Oh my god, I don’t know how you do it!

Four letters, W I N E.

Are you going to have a third?

  1. Seriously! – I only just had the second sliced out of my abdomen, I can’t even plan what I’m cooking for dinner.
  2. None of your beeswax, you are a stranger in a supermarket!

When are you going back to work?

Shock Horror, I’m not!!! Not if I can help it anyway. Work is for my husband, he’s good at it.

You look great!

Puh-leese. Stop lying straight to my fat sleep-deprived face.

How are they sleeping?

Seriously, what do you think.

Oh, and my personal favourite  – Are you breastfeeding?

My boobs are my own business! Unless I’m drunk and flashing them about don’t ask about them!