House Rules

Seriously, don’t come to my house unless you bring food or are happy to pick up the vacuum cleaner.

NEVER pop over without texting first. I don’t care if you were “just in the area” – this isn’t the 19th century and I don’t care for your community spirit.

Sitting on my couch and holding the baby does not count as ‘helping’. And please do not give the baby back to me when he does a poo, empower yourself and change his nappy.

If you have a cup of tea, put your bloody cup in the dishwasher afterwards. I’m already a servant to three humans and a dog, I don’t need to clean up your crap too.

Try your best not to ask me what I’ve been “up to”. This serves no purpose other than to make me want to smack you in the face.