Is he a good baby?

Is he a good baby?

I used to love it when people asked me this question.

My first baby was just one of those baby’s that didn’t cry. My biggest dilemma in the first month of his life was deciding whether to wake him up to feed him. Hmmmmm ….. he’s been asleep for 6 hours, aren’t they supposed to eat every three??” Seriously, third world problem there Margot.

This baby was a dream. During the day, he would lie on his play mat and happily play with his toys until he got bored. Then he’d just fall asleep. For three hours.  He didn’t mind if he was woken up, he didn’t mind if he had a wet nappy, he would go to anyone. We used to take him to bars and restaurants, once I even took him to a movie. Honestly, my life hardly changed. Having a baby was a piece of cake. I won’t go on and on, I think you probably get the idea.

Don’t hate me yet, it’s important you read to the end.

As usual, everyone had their theories about why my baby was so good, and this would often lead to compliments about my superior mothering skills. A lot of people told me my baby was so wonderful because of how relaxed I was as a Mother. Naturally I chose to believe this and happily gave myself all the credit.

I would listen to my friends talk about sleepless nights, baby’s who refused bottles, baby’s needing to be rocked, driven or jiggled to sleep .. the usual jazz. I am a nice person so I pretended to be sympathetic to their problems. But inside I was as smug as hell. I thought they were a bunch of neurotic stress-bags over thinking everything and making motherhood a whole lot harder than it really needed to be. All this stressing was obviously stressing out their innocent baby’s. They were creating their own nightmares. ‘EAT, PLAY, SLEEP people!!’ is what I wanted to yell, it’s SIMPLE!!!!!!!!!!

I would get shitty when other Mum’s wouldn’t meet me at certain times of the day because of their baby’s schedule. Why did these Mother’s work around their baby??? The baby should work around them!

Mum’s that jiggled strollers and were quiet around their baby’s annoyed the hell out of me. They were letting these tiny things rule their lives. What pussy’s!!!

Then when my perfect baby was six months old I got pregnant again.

I wasn’t worried at all – one baby, two babies – piece of cake.

Ha ha HA!!!! The Joke was on me.

Number Two came out screaming. He cried when I picked him up, he cried when I lay him down. He wanted to feed every hour. Around the clock. And then after a feed he wouldn’t settle. For hours. He wanted a dummy but he couldn’t keep it in his mouth. He needed to be held upright all day and all night. Goodbye all theories above! Hello ‘I was wrong’.

Boy oh boy, did I rock. I rocked like there was no tomorrow. I whispered and crept around my house like the foundation was built on egg shells. I cooked dinner with him in the baby carrier. While jiggling. I slept with him on my chest most nights. This went on for six weeks straight.

What did I say when people asked me if Number 2 was a good baby? I’d say yes, as who is ever really going to admit they got a naughty one!? But on the inside I was saying “hell no, he is a little sh*t!”

What I now know is that it’s very easy to be relaxed if you have a good baby. And it’s very easy to be a neurotic head-case if you don’t. I do both very well. #crazymumma

So if you have a good one, I’m sorry but it’s nothing to do with you. You just got lucky.

P.S. Don’t get too cocky if you get a good one. They change. The good baby is now hitting me, kicking me and throwing food in my face. Yes I know I deserve it.

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